Last time I wrote my column, I told you what girls I would date if I was not a ceramic statue and if I could experience the feelings and emotions that real boys/men do. I mentioned many girls like Paris Hilton and Robin Wright Penn--do you remember?

Well, this month I have to wing it again (haha, that's a joke because I do in fact have wings, little ceramic ones). They did not let me go and spy on anyone. There was talk of letting me spy on Ellen Degeneres, but with her show so popular now, it's harder to get me into her studio. There was talk of getting me to spy on Mel Gibson, but suddenly he's bigger than ever, too. I suggested letting me spy on Paris Hilton, but they wouldn't let me.

So, I have to pick a column subject and I would like to talk about grease. Yes, grease. Grease is pretty bad for you. If you eat it, I mean. There are different kinds of grease. There is grease you get from fat and it congeals. There is grease you put in your car or on a sprocket of some sort, you know the kind? There was a very famous theatrical production and later a movie, called 'Grease'. Now that one starred John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John. John Travolta went on to become a Scientologist and Olivia Newton-John went on to do some other stuff, I'm not sure what.

Grease can be messy. I advise cleaning your hands anytime you touch grease or have it rub on you. Some kids rub bicycle chain grease on their bicycle chains and sometimes they smear it on each other. I hate it when that happens, though it's never happened to me before.

What else about grease? I don't know. If I spy on someone, rarely am I out of words. Well, I did spy on Ashton Kutcher once but they didn't let me write a story about him because it was too short. All that happened was that Ashton sat on his couch with his hands in his pockets and stared at the ceiling. How dumb. Did anyone see that movie "Cheaper by the Dozen" with Steve Martin? Well, not WITH him but it stars him? I know none of you saw the movie with Steve Martin because he is a big movie star that doesn't have time for normal people who aren't in the movies. Anyway, that movie had Ashton Kutcher in it. He is also in the 70's show and I don't like that one. I'm not a fan of Ashton's, but he does date Demi Moore, who is kind of pretty. But for her age she is not nearly as beautiful as Robin Wright Penn. Neither of them as angelic or pretty as Jennifer Garner and Paris Hilton is on top of all of them. Haha, not like a pyramid of course.

Well, that's all I can think of. If the editor, Jim, wants more he can add it.

My recipe this time follows:

Welcome to Spring Pudding

6 cloves garlic

2 cups cocoa

1 slice bologna

½ cup sugar

¼ tsp. vanilla

3 cups milk

Something sticky, like gum or maybe grease

Combine all ingredients in medium sauce pan. Stir frequently over low heat. When all is mixed really nicely, refrigerate for at least 5 hours. Enjoy!