Dear Kelli,
I'm glad I found your website and your advice column. I have an interesting problem that needs a woman's perspective. I'm a 30 year old male, divorced, with two kids. They are 8 and 5 years old. I see them twice a month on weekends only. Anyway, I have been dating again and this woman I'm with wants children, too. The thing is, this lady doesn't want to get married. She said, and I quote, "I will NEVER marry anyone". But she wants kids. I'm old fashioned and I want to have kids with a woman I'm married to. Plus I'm worried about what my kids would think and I'm afraid my ex-wife will try to get them from me if me and my girl have babies. Is that crazy? Should I insist on getting married or should I go with the flow?
Nick in Tampa
Nick in Tampa,
In this day and age where people seem to think that morality is relative, let me push some morality on you. First of all, this lady who wants to have babies and a relationship with you and not marry you is acting stupid. Why would a man (or a woman) ever want to settle down and have kids with someone they aren't willing to sign a piece of paper and have a simple ceremony with? I believe if a person wants to ride the roller coaster, they have to be at least 42 inches tall, so to speak. I think you should find someone who wants to get married if that's your goal and let 'Non-commital Chick' go shop for some feminist crystals or something.
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Dear Kelli,
I have a big problem. I'm married, have been for nine years and I'm relatively happy. Last week, my first grader was having problems at school and I went to see his teacher, Mr Patton. It turns out Mr Patton was a very attractive twenty something guy. Well, I love my husband but he is a lawyer who is never at home. I'm always at home. Mr Patton brought my son home one day last week and I asked him if he'd like a cup of tea and one thing led to another and…yeah. (My son went to a friends house before anything happened). Anyway…I don't want to ruin my marriage but now Mr Patton says he loves me and will stop at nothing to win me over. My husband and son are oblivious and the only people that know about this are me and Mr Patton. I don't want to let it happen again despite my loneliness, please give me your opinion.
Carrie in Nevada
Carrie in Nevada,
See, once in awhile I get a question that really makes me take this 'job' seriously. I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to get a letter that isn't from some kid afraid to join the army or some girl asking if she should ask Trevor to the Eminem concert. Having said that, let me give you my humble opinion. First of all, when you discuss this in the future, please get out of the habit of referring to Mr Patton as Mr Patton unless you're referring to him in front of your son or fellow parents of his classmates. It sounds silly to call your lover (even a one time lover) "Mr" anything. It's creepy, okay? Second, I would really consider telling your husband what happened. Tell him it's not his fault that it happened, that you did it willingly but it would be harder to think of doing such things if your husband were home more. I get the impression he's not there a lot? If that's the case, really appeal to that side of him because he needs to know he's needed there, not just to keep you from getting with teachers, but to raise his son and to help you with other things. I hope it works out.
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Kelli-baby,
I have a bet with some friends (I'm in college) that I can get you to send me pictures of you or some of your friends, in naughty poses, kind of like the ones in Girls Gone Wild. I have $50, six pizzas and a case of beer riding on this. My friends are emailing other college age women and the one who gets a response with photos first wins. Whaddya say, honey?
Barry, UCLA
Barry,
After reading your email, I became certain that UCLA is proud to have you as one of its students. I'm familiar with the Girls Gone Wild videos and I can assure you that I have no photos that would lean in that direction. I do have one friend--Lisa--who would be very happy to oblige you as she only recently became a female and is anxious to get feedback on the surgery. Let me know if you're interested. Freak!
By the way, what mindless slug taught you that it's okay to call strange girls 'baby' or 'honey'? I don’t respond in the positive to that kind of attention unless I've expressed interest in you. And I haven't.
